It has been quite awhile since I've been riddled with tears. For the past week, tears have just been waiting to spill....I keep praying and keep my eyes on the Lord and He comforts me, yes, but in this world He even told us we would struggle...and boy do we struggle!
Of course there are moments or days when I just feel overwhelmed with all the changes that have happened, all the conveniences (aka I was spoiled) we gave up...but I am definitely in a valley...a very low spot.
And so I am glad that I remember that grass grows the thickest in the valleys. While others are on the top of the mountain rejoicing in what they see and what they've accomplished...I have taken a tumble down the mountain and I think I might've hit every rock, tree and pile of mountain goat poo imaginable until I just lay here in the valley.....
I realize it's just a matter of me feeling sorry for myself. Wanting it to be easy to get a haircut for my son, wanting to hear all of my sweet daughter's stories after school instead of battling traffic on foot to keep her safe, to rely on electricity to provide air conditioning, to feel a change in the weather - I'M SICK OF SUMMER! To smell something fresh, to go somewhere and feel/taste/smell/hear all at once, something familiar and soothing.......
Today is one of those days when I wish I was one of those mom's who choses to drop her kids off at school and do nothing but shop everyday for herself and her family....because today I'd like to hide away where no one would notice me.....what made the final drop?
My beloved first born telling me with anger this morning
THIS ISN'T RIGHT! IT SHOULD BE FALL! I SHOULD BE PLAYING WITH MY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL AT EXCEL AND THEN JUMPING IN LEAVES!!!
wow - I'm glad he can voice how he's feeling, but to be honest, I was surprised he was able to put it out there like that. So we're starting school late today, he's drawing me a picture of us at the house in Michigan....to put on the calendar because he's SICK TO DEATH (his words) of just one season...
I cannot believe we had almost the same mental thought....so....I hit the valley floor when I realized even my son is hurting.....
but as I lay there, I look around, not up, but around....
and I see many MANY extremely poor and hurting people who have been practically torn from their country due to war....and I see them mourning and rejoicing and growing and building each other up.....I see them giving up on dreams and letting God empty and fill them again.....
and I am inspired!
Homeschooling adds to the changes...I REALLY LOVE IT! I'm surprised how God has broken down my walls I had against His desire for me to school Joshua.......but He is amazing, isn't He?! (oh by the way, Joshua loves art, he's just SUPER serious since he's not a little kid anymore ha ha ha ha ha, his words, my laughter)....
Homeschooling changed the relationship with the kids....I want the cool evenings to snuggle with the kids and read for an hour until I'm cross-eyed, but after reading/teaching/schooling for 4-5 hrs every day, I just don't seem to have the energy..
last night, I realized, it's that I lost the will.....
and so last night, the kids snuggled in my bed and we read for 30 min....and it really changed the dynamics of how this morning went! amazing!
So...as I lay here on the valley floor and smell the lush grass and see how the butterflies adore God's creation.....I will continue to let Him refresh me....the valleys are necessary so that we can know Who created us, why we were created and that there's MORE to this life than the piles of mountain goat poo that we just slipped on as we fell down the mountain......
and so that the next time we climb the mountain, the view will be THAT much more incredible!
I expect my day off from teaching tomorrow will begin with me laying in bed for an extra hour.....soaking in His peace that words cannot describe.
~must add that I do wish I could lay in the lush grass of Greece by myself for a few days - I wouldn't mind HA!~
In keeping perspective, I must remember who I am.......and Who He is...was and always will be! And a warning to those of you who have been at the summit for awhile........watch out for that first drop off, it's a doozy!!
Love from Egypt,
W
5 comments:
Oh Wendy - my heart goes out to you! However, I think that you put it quite nicely in that we ALL step in goat poo - it is just part of God's design. I LOVE how you can be real in your blogs. I miss the opportunity to blog and share my thoughts and pictures due to a poor family situation here in MI. I love you from many many miles away and wish that I could give you a hug, but know that I am praying for you and the daily struggles and JOYS that the Lord brings along!
Tell Joshua to rest assured in knowing that there are not enough leaves on the ground for jumping in. They are only beginning to change, although I didn't want summer to end a few weeks ago...I'd probably be feeling the same way you guys are right about now.
I am so inspired by your realizations, and your abilities to see all that is around your rather than focusing in on the things that you want to obtain. I can only hope one day I'll stop focusing in on the little things and start to look at the big picture like you.
Keep on keeping on, and one day you will be back here enjoying the seasons once again. Many hugs across the miles!
Thanks for being real, Wendy! So sorry you are having a rough time. Praying you are able to climb out of that valley and again be on the mountain top! I wish I could come visit....You could show me all of those amazing sights I see in your pics!
Hang in there!!!
Wish I could blow a little Fall your way. I'll be praying that you'll find the "glorious river" while in the valley and with it "God's perfect peace"
Stephanie P
Sending all my love! So sorry that you are in a valley right now. :( But, as you said valley's are necessary for us to be able to appreciate the view from the mountain all the more. HUGS and prayers to you and to that sweet boy of yours!
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